MEMORIES OF MY MUM

My first memory of my mom was when I was about two. My parents (or more likely my Grandparents) had bought me and my sister a convertable high chair. It was awesome because you could turn it into a swing. I loved our little swing and I was always upset when I couldn't play on it. Which is very odd, because when I went on swings in the park, I got motion sick. but my mum knew how much I enjoyed our swing and was happy to build it for me. 

Of course I couldn't take my swing to Exeter. so how do you entertain a kid on holiday at their gran's house? Plasticine (now less popular because of the advent of play-doh). We loved the stuff. It was wonderful. My mum had a very odd imagination. She once made a model of a man sat on the toilet. A man with elephant ears. I have no idea why. More on this later.

So, I remember my mum for being tolerant and for having a vivid imagination. Better than mine, anyway. She was tolerant of us raiding the cupboards to play shop, or using the clothes airer for a tent of making a monkey swing from sheets.  

I remember that she was was incredibly forgiving. No matter how much I failed, she would never be disappointed in me. Her belief was that as long as I tried, then that was all that mattered and I've always tried my best, sometimes too hard. 

The two most important things I remember my mother for is once when I was down on myself, she gave me a card with the poem, "Don't Quit" on it. I still have it to this day. I carry it everywhere. 

The other thing I remember, is that she is my first hero. Firstly, because she has always believed in me when no-one else has.

The second is, she literally saved my life. If not for her, I wouldn't be here. I don't just mean because she is my mum. Take heed of this next story, dear friends, it may also save your life.

When I was about ten, my sister and I were playing a game of Mousetrap. I was left alone for a while and started throwing the silver ball bearing in the air and trying to catch it, a bit like some people do with peanuts (or if you're a Jackie Chan character, chewing gum). I caught it in mouth. I then realised it had gone into my throat and was stuck there. I began to choke badly. I tried to pull it out myself which was a silly thing to do looking back on it, because that made it worse. I don't remember much because it was horrid. It seemed like minutes, but if it had been I would probably have been dead so it was probably only seconds. I remember my sister screaming. She was absolutely terrified. I remember my mum banging me on the back. The bad thing is, it has given me a phobia for people choking (even a little bit) and vomiting ever since, which is a bit hard when you have the compassion of an empath and the skill of a first aider. I still try not to think about it. I go a bit nuts when someone has a coughing fit, or is sick, but I'm okay.  

The point is that my mother was my saviour that day. She had no training in first aid and stopped me from dying. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here to do all the things I've enjoyed: marrying Don, blogging, making videos, Parkrun, running, journalism, my friendship with Bill Neely, etc. I wouldn't be writing this now. I will never forget this. It's the main reason I learned basic first aid. I forgot to thank her for it before she died, so I'll do it now. Thanks, Mum! 

Here are a few silly memories to finish with. 

THE DODGY MICROWAVE OVEN. 

In our 'matchbox' house in Sheffield, we had a microwave with a pull-down door on it. One day my mum was making chicken, my favourite thing. She opened the door to remove the chicken and for some reason the hinge failed and the door came off in her hand. My dad and I thought it was really funny and were giggling away, while my mum was stood there thinking, "WTF?!"

THE TROUSERS

My mother was quite fond of napping in an armchair, she always loosened the button and zip on her trousers when she did. On one particular day she forget to re-tighten them when she got up. The door bell rang. She ran to answer before I had a chance to offer. As she crossed the room, her lose trousers fell down to her ankles. I just cracked up. I answered the door and then I went back to my mum, where we both started laughing ourselves silly. 

THE FLUSH

As I previously explained, we loved plasticine and my mum made a model of a man sat on a toilet. My sister noticed it didn't have a flush handle. So she put one on it. My mum suddenly let out a scream of protest.

"You've put the flush on his ear!!", she pointed out. A lot of laughter. Not a phrase you ever usually hear!


I could go on about the wonderful and happy memories of my mother all day, but we only have so much space. The most important memory of my mother is the way, she loved me, stood by me, never ceased to be there when I needed her and was a woman who accepted me for who I was no matter what.

I miss her and I always will. RIP mum. You were the best.

My mum's favourite picture of me.

Me and my mom.

UNDER THE WIRE

Lyse Doucet once said that "There is no alternative to being there on the ground, in the heat and dust...".

Marie Colvin believed this to the point of obsession. When she was in Baba Amr she was determined to get the story of the people suffering there. She was a journalist like no other. 

Under the Wire tells the story of her final trip into Baba Amr. It is based on the book by her colleague and close friend Paul Conroy. He was the only photographer she ever worked well with because, as Lindsey Hilsum once pointed out, "She just couldn't be arsed with them!".

It is a heartbreaking and dramatic account of what journalists go through to get the truth. Marie was determined to not let the lives and stories of the civilians' horror be ignored, because, as she said, "It's about people. They are not just numbers".

Like any good journalist, she was determined and driven. She wouldn't give up. Often a driver would say, "We can't do that!" Her reply was, "Yes, you can!". Paul's suggestion was that it was probably safer to just do what she asked.

Unfortnately and sadly, it was probably this determination that cost this beautiful and brave woman her life. After escaping from Baba Amr once, she was determined to go back in. Paul had said he thought something wasn't right, but he knew there was no way she would not go because of a hunch, even one of her own. So, back in they went.

While they were in the media centre there was an attack and after a while it was pretty obvious they were being targeted. As an ex-artillery soldier, specifically a forward observer, Paul recognised the 'bracket' technique the army were using. It was only a matter of time before they suffered a direct hit. When they did, Marie Colvin and Remi Ochlick were killed; Edith Bouvier and Paul were seriously injured. Paul was determined to get out and continue Marie's work of telling the story of Baba Amr.

There is disturbing footage in this movie of the medical centre and Marie's last report, the shelling of the media centre, the claustrophobic tunnel - the only way in and out of Baba Amr, which also got hit.

It was a miracle any of them escaped from the media centre, but they did and this is their story and the memories of the last time they ever saw Marie.

I was crying for nearly all of it. And one of the best bits was seeing Wa'el. He was the translator. At one point,  Paul said, "I went into the tunnel and after that I never saw him again". So, I'm glad he was still around.

Marie was an amazing woman and journalist and I recommend you see this film to find out for yourself how great she was. I am also looking forward to watching the movie A Private War, which is about Marie's life and not just this assignment.

I know I will never be as good a journalist as she was, but if I have taken even a small bit of inspiration from her then that's good.

RIP Marie, you've inspired all of us to keep fighting for the power of journalism and Freedom of Speech. 

The lovely Marie Colvin - the bravest person in the world.

THAI-ED UP IN GOOD NEWS

Ah, good news! Don't you wish we had more of it! Well, recently we did. Background story to this first:

A few weeks ago a group of children who were members of the Wild Boars soccer team went into the Tham Luang cave in the Chiang Rai area of Thailand. No-one knew they were there until their coach, Ekapol Chantawong raised the alarm after finding the kids' cycles outside. He went into the cave to search. Then all of them got trapped by rising water from the monsoon rains. This is the bad news. Now for the good news.

As soon as it happened, things were set in place for rescuing the kids. The Thai Navy Seals, who were absolutely amazing went down into the cave system and when they got to the boys, they put in ropes and drilled larger holes in the cave system, with help from divers from the UK and US, so the kids could get out. Eventually there were so many people in the caves that the air started to run out for the trapped team, so more had to be taken in.The emergency services also helped by pumping gallons of water out of the cave to make it easier for the rescue. The local residents were amazing, providing food and drink, money and general help to the kids' families. The whole world became gripped by this amazing operation. A friend of one of the trapped children made 100 cranes as a way to bring him good fortune - following a Japanese tradition that has been around for years. And there were letters going in and out too.

It was the most amazing coming together of the community. A show of kindness, love and humanity. Something this world certainly needs more of.

There was a time factor involved. This was monsoon season and any minute the rain could pour down again, therefore re-flooding the cave. It was eventually decided that the best way to get the guys out was to literally swim them out. They were taught to dive and to use breathing masks. They were then taken out with a Navy Seal assigned to each of them. Just as they got the last boy out, the water pump broke and they had to sprint for the exit. Luckily they made it.

After a fortnight, all the team and their coach were rescued safely and taken to hospital to start their recovery.

It was an incredible well-planned undertaking and everyone (and I mean everyone) did a fantastic job. This was humanity at its best. I have nothing but praise for Navy Seals, the emergency services and all they people of the area who tried to do their bit and especially the children who were very brave considering their terrible circumstances.

The last thing I want to do is give a mention to Thai Navy Seal Saman Kunan. This guy unfortunately died from asphyxiation while trying to save the kids. He died a hero and should be honoured as such. RIP, sir and bravo to you.

Everything was on display here: love, compassion, heroism, bravery, determination, perserverence, people's faith in themselves, each other and in God. Basically everything that helps make a good news story exactly that.

And to give thanks for still having their lives and to honour Saman Kunan, the Wild Boars have now entered a monastery for nine days which is rather moving.

It was wonderful to have some good news for once. I wish everyone who was involved the very best. And I hope the kids grow up to have a wonderful life. After this, they deserve every good fortune. Oh, yeah, and lots of fried chicken!!

WE ARE STRONGER THAN WE THINK

When I first saw a marathon on TV and saw all the mad people running in their shorts and t-shirts, I honestly thought there's no way I wanted to ever do that. Not the marathon, I still don't want to do that, but the running itself. Me a runner, no, never, not in a million years. That all changed when I started volunteering for Cardiac Risk in the Young (CRY) and actually went to a marathon. It was amazing, the atmosphere was incredible and the crowds were unbelieveable. This time, the marathon was a lot more fun and I began to understand the joy of running and being free. So when I went to my second marathon, I asked my friend Bill how to begin this running malarky. His suggestion: do a parkrun. A free run every Saturday at 9am in parks all over the UK. So I did. I've been running ever since.

It's not easy at first, and sometimes the idea of getting up and running a 5K can be daunting, but that's the best time to do it: when you absolutely don't feel like it. 

So I did. And I was so happy about it. I got fresh air, moderate exercise (you don't have to be a fitness freak, even a slow person can do it and you can even walk, the point is to get out in the fresh air) and best of all I got to make friends. And any advice I needed, I just asked other runners including Bill. I was having a ball. I ran for nearly three years. I even got really fast at one point (37.11). It was great.

And then disaster struck about a year ago. Everything fell apart. I suddenly couldn't run. At first it was a depressive 'I really don't want to do this' sort of thing and then it got to a point where the idea of running absolutely terrified me. I couldn't work out why. I loved running. It wasn't easy, but I loved it. 

When the AJ Staff got jailed, this was a motivation to get out there. They were imprisoned, couldn't run, except up and down a corridor. I also remembered the people of Boston who had their marathon ruined because of terrorism. And I remembered Mohamed Fahmy's words: "Be thankful for small mercies. You're not homeless, you're not in prison and you're not dead!".  And Bill's words: "I can do this! They (Boston) couldn't, because of an act of violence, so just keep going". Eventually, though, even they ceased to motivate me. I asked Bill's advice. It was simple, but sensible: Don't run for a while. Just accept you can't and don't. So I didn't. I was glad I didn't have to anymore, but I was sad, because I loved running, I was slow, but I didn't care. Just being able to get out and run was fun and the freedom of it was wonderful. 

This went on for a while. I thought I would never run again. Then I remembered we had entered the London 10,000. I had to be able to run for that, so I went to my park runs as a volunteer to at least get back into the spirit of it and then ran if I felt like it. About twice. I wasn't worried about the Westminster Mile, because it was only a mile. Even someone with no mojo could manage a mile. My friend Pauline said "Don't worry, you'll be ready, we'll get you there". So I (painfully) did a couple more Parkruns and volunteered in Richmond, where Bill also said, "You'll do it!"  I tried to do a 10K around Pugney's and just got there. I tried a week later and couldn't even make five. The week before the 10,000, I wasn't even close to being ready or motivated. I had to do something drastic. So, I told Don that the next morning, I wanted us to run as far as we could. I had to at least try. So I did. I ran 8K. I don't know how I did it but I did. I was determined to get out of this running funk I was in. Two days later I ran 6K with Pauline and Geoff.  

I still wasn't sure I could do this. But everyone had got so much faith in me, that I had to try. It was then I surprised myself in the most fantastic way. I ran the Westminster Mile - all of it. Usually, I run, walk, run, walk, run, walk ad infinitum. This time I started to run and I kept running. I was slow, but I did it.

The biggest test though was the 10K. Could I manage that? It turned out I could and in the time I wanted too. I wanted to do it in around an hour and a half. I was only two minutes out. I was thrilled. Before I did it, I was terrified I was going to fall apart. I didn't. The atmosphere was amazing, the crowds were fantastic, the sprinklers were a wonderful idea and the feeling of getting across that finish line was the very best feeling in the world. I loved it and I am so glad I persevered. 

Will I be doing the Westminster Mile and the 10K again next year? Damn right!! In fact I'm so pleased with myself, I am doing the Kew Gardens 10K in September. I can't wait. 

All this has made me realise one thing. Never give up, just keep going. You'll be surprised at what you can achieve.  

I thought I couldn't achieve a 10K, but I did. Never forget, you are stronger than you think.

"Run like hell because you always need to! Laugh hard and run fast!" ~ Peter Capaldi.

THE KINDNESS OF KATE ADIE

Of the many blogs I have written in regard to heroes and people I admire, I have mentioned Bill Neely. However, I have hardly ever mentioned my other hero, the wonderful Kate Adie. I've mentioned her in passing, like in my bucket list and my blog about women, but never in a blog of her own, as I have with Bill. This has not been deliberate, just a bit remiss of me. I intend to correct that right now.

I first got to know Kate Adie around the same time Bill Neely began working at ITN: 1989. 1989 was as Bill Neely once put it, "The year of miracles". The Berlin Wall fell down and the Soviet system started to collapse too. However, this was November 1989. The beginning of the year wasn't so great. On the 15th of April thousands of miles apart, two different incidents happened that I will remember forever. In my hometown of Sheffield, we had the Hillsborough disaster. A tragedy that would change the face of football for a long time to come. Both for the people of Sheffield and the people of Liverpool. 

Meanwhile, in Bejing, China, people were dying for a different reason. Students had taken to the streets, as many students, in many countries had before them, and have since. They were protesting for human rights and freedom and the things most people take for granted. And there, standing right in the middle of it all was Kate Adie. I took to her immediately. She was strong, dynamic, she gave me inspiration that women could do dangerous things, she had a tough no-nonsense way about her reporting. She was detached, doing exactly what she had to do.

I have followed her career ever since. She covered the Seige of the Iranian Embassy, the Zeebrugge disaster. She has been in Kosovo, has been embedded with troops in Iraq and like many people who wanted to cut their teeth, she ended up covering the Troubles in Northern Ireland.  And even though she is detached on her reports, this doesn't mean she is a detatched person, far from it. Through her interviews and her books, I found out she is a very warm and compassionate person with an absolutely wicked sense of humour. 

She has also been the butt of some harmless humour. As she has been known for going to a lot of warzones, there was a joke that said, "A good decision is getting on a plane at an airport where Kate Adie is getting off!" And there was this little gem:

She has wriiten openly about her career, being adopted, about the role of woman in war, especially World War II. And now she presents From Our Own Correspondent, still showing what an amazing broadcaster she is. 

When she was awarded the BAFTA Fellowship on Sunday 13 May, I was so thrilled for her, I jumped up and down. Well, as best you can jump up and down sat in a car at a motorway services. It has been too long in coming. She should have been awarded it years ago.

To Kate Adie, I have only this to say: I should have mentioned you before and for that I apologise. You have inspired me just as much as Bill Neely has and in some ways more because you have showed me that woman can be brave, get into danger and be downright awesome. When I'm doing my work, I will always keep asking myself that important question when I'm confused: "What would Bill or Kate do?"  I know what Kate would do. She would just, "Get on with it!" One day I hope to chat to you too, and unlike a lot of people, I will be happy to talk to you about Northern Ireland.

As I pursue my own journalistic endeavours, I know I have you to look up to and I always will. Maybe one day I will be in amazing places like Bejing or in the desert looking for a place to go to the bathroom. Thanks for the inspiration! You are one amazing woman!

My favourite anecdote by Kate:

Kate revisits Bejing

"You do not invade people's privacy too much. You do not expose the vulnerable. You do not question those who are incapable". ~ Kate Adie.

WHY THIS JOURNALIST WILL NOT BE COVERING THE ROYAL WEDDING

If you ask a foreigner to name something essentiallly English, many people will say the Royal Family. They make millions of tourist pounds a year and they are known around the world. And yet they (or rather their lives) are equally hated by people.

People are fed up of hearing about things they do that are no different to stuff anybody else does.

For example: a while ago Prince Louis was born. He was beautiful. But when he was due, the media were camped outside the Lindo Wing of St Mary's Hospital in London for at least a week before. She (Kate Windsor) was having a baby. Something women do every day of the damn week. It's nothing special and is nothing surprising. A lot of women do it. 

And tomorrow - on the 19th of May Prince Harry marries Meghan Markle. An actress who under the the old rules would never have been allowed to be a part of the Monarchy. Firstly, she is American, and secondly she is a divorcee. Yes, okay, so was Camilla, but at least she was English. You remember Prince Edward and Wallis Simpson. Yeah, exactly. They weren't allowed to marry, so why the hell should Harry and Meghan? I'm not saying I disapprove. I'm just making a fair point.

Anyway, the main point of this is that it's just two people getting married. That's all. People get married all the time. Even I did it. Their wedding is no more important than anyone else's. They are tying the knot. And yet press people are under the illusion that we do care and my timeline has been full of it ever since the damn wedding was announced.

Well, I am not interested and to be honest, I'm fed up of the whole damn thing. They are just getting married, just like hundreds of couples do in a year. I am not anti-royal, but I am anti-Royals-doing-stuff-that-is-usual-for-everyone-else-on-the-planet. 

So you got married and had kids? Yeah and so does everyone else. When this whole (to quote Martin Bell) 'Comprehensive Rubbish and Palava' is on TV and Twitter tomorrow, I am going to take the advice of a TV show I used to watch as a  kid:

"Why don't you switch off your TV and go and do something less boring instead?"


Here Jay Foreman sings what I think: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_94807D3GQ

PLEASE DO NOT KEEP ON TRUCKING

My husband has a chant, which he uses to help keep me going, especially if I'm running. It goes: "Keep on trucking, keep on trucking, keep on trucking,'coz we like to truck". It's silly, but it's rhythmic and it works. However, this doesn't mean we have an affection for truckers. We don't and here is why.

We love to take long drives, especially on A-roads. Now one of the most important things drivers are told by police is take a rest and never drive tired.

Well, the only place to rest on an A-road (because the services are few and far between) is a designated lay-by. So, you're asking why we don't stop in one of those for an hour or so. Well, at night, it is virtually impossible because they are filled with trucks. 

Now, if the truckers/lorry drivers stayed there for an hour or so for a quick rest like they are supposed to, then everything would be fine.

But they don't. They stay there all night. And there aren't just a few. They are in practically every lay-by you come across. The bigger the lay-by, the more damn trucks are in it.

"Well, they need sleep too!", you may be screaming. Correct. And that's why we have service stations/rest stops with sections for trucks and lorries. And there are also official lorry parks, specially for this purpose. Don and I are fed up of not being able to get a break because of damn trucks clogging up the road.

Of course, this only reinforces my point that trucks shouldn't be on the road in the first place. Local trucks delivering to supermarkets is okay, but large artics' and vans should be taking off the road. In the old days most freight that is now carried by road was taken by train and I'm not even talking about necessarily small things. Even cars were taken by train. I still can't understand why this is not the case. It's just ridiculous.

But no. Instead of this, we can't rest in a lay-by because they are always full of anything but cars. 

So, my message to the trucking community is this: We understand you need to rest, but if you need to sleep properly, don't do it in a lay-by preventing long-distance car drivers from having the same privilege. 

Either go to a services station or better still, find a a frickin' lorry park. You have facilities, make use of them instead of causing inconvenience to car drivers.  

YOU ARE A PAIN IN THE BUTT

My mom is dying of cancer. I wrote this just to vent some of the anger I feel about it. If you read this and you are/know someone who is dying of cancer, or has died, please know you have my sympathies. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone.

You are a complete pain in the arse and several other places too. You are vindictive and you never let up. You are always hurting someone. Even if people have lived a hateful live, that doesn't give you the right to come along and hurt them.  No-one deserves the misery you bring to the world. I wish you would f**k off and never come back EVER! 

But things don't work that way. The first time we met was in around 1981...! I don't remember exactly when because I was quite young. One minute I was enjoying my life as a young kid, then you had to come along and ruin everything! You took my grandfather away from my Dad. And my great aunt then also died because of you. You didn't directly kill her, but she and my grandfather were inseperable and when you took him, she lost the will to live and died of a broken heart. I wish that could've been the end of it, but no, you just hadn't finished had you? You attacked both my grandmothers and my step-grandad.

Then came my father in law and my brother in law. Two men who I still hadn't got to know well enough. And just to be a real bitch to my family, because you hadn't done enough to us, you decided to kill my dog, one of my cats and my beautiful white rabbit. I hoped after that, you and I would part company never to meet again; that finally you had disappeared for good and that my family and my pets could live happily until they died naturally of old age. And for a few years I didn't see you. But you were just waiting for another chance to be a twat weren't you?

In 2014, you returned. Except this time you decided to use a different tactic. Instead of aiming at my family, you aimed at one of my friends. I never got to know my pal Ray well enough, but thanks to some help from his wife, my beloved friend Tara, I did at least know him a bit. To leave me without my friend and her without her life companion was as cruel as aiming at my family.

And now, here you are again, attacking the one person that means everything to me! 

My mum. She stood by me, no matter how bad things got and she was always there for me. She would jump for joy when I succeeded, scold me when I did wrong, look after me when I was sad and more than anything was my best friend in the whole world when no-one else would be. She is the only member of my immediate family who ever cared about me. We only had each other. My mom and I love each other so much and were always so close. We laughed together, cried together, got mad together, and talked about girls stuff together. I don't know what I would do without her. And now I am going to lose her to you too.

But you've made a mistake this time. Like my great aunt, I too am suffering from the immense sadness that I am going to lose the one person that I can't face my life without. I am losing the will to live too. However, I will not let you kill me, directly or indirectly. I will not die for you!!

Cancer: You have may have killed many members of my beloved family, one friend and my beautiful pets, but even though you have pulled me into sadness, because you are taking my mother away, that is as far I will go for you. I am sad now and hell, it hurts, but you will never take my life because I will NOT let you. You've picked the wrong person to fight with.

So leave! And never come near me again!!  

"You can't whack death on the head!" ~ Arnold Rimmer

"You kidding!? If it comes near me, I'm going to rip its nipples off!!" ~ Dave Lister

Red Dwarf - Future Echoes 

TOYS 'R' NOT US

We are all children at heart. I find people who say stuff like, "You're too old for that" or "You need to grow up" very dull people. To be an adult and never experience the fun of being a child once you become one is, to me, a very sad and jaded way of looking at and living your life.

That's why I have no problem walking into a toy store. I have no problem with having teddies, Hello Kitty stuff (I'm a Hello Kitty addict), even my study wallpaper has Hello Kitty, or having jigsaws, board games, console games, etc. As long as you know when it is appropriate to act like a child and when it is not, it's absolutely fine.  

Which brings us on to the demise of Toys 'R' Us. I wish I could say something good about this shop. Unfortunately, I can't. I used to be quite happy with them. I've bought many things from them, mainly Lego and Mario stuff. But that's only because I had never been to a different store. 

Then one day I did. I walked into Hamley's in London. I also went in to Lego. But we'll leave Lego alone for the moment as this is more about toys in general. However, I will say only this about them: if regional shops worked the way their London store in Leicester square does, they would be a hell of a lot more fun to visit. And please return to selling individual bricks rather than already designed sets. People use Lego to fuel their imagination. I don't want to build something just by copying a design - that's boring!

Anyway back to Toys 'R' Us: The moment I went in to Hamley's, I realised how awful Toys 'R' Us really was. Even Smyths which is slightly better is not that great. People are saying it's the fault of the internet. That I'm afraid, is only one reason. Yes, the internet has been a point of contention in regard to sales and I agree that online shopping hasn't helped. but if that was the only thing, I think Toys R Us may have survived longer. 

My experience in Toys 'R' Us the other day (hey, they were having a sale and I am only human, gimme a break!) is one good example of why they've failed miserably. I went in there and couldn't find the console game (Mario Odyssey, if you're interested) I was after. so I went to an assistant who kindly told me if I went to customer service, they would check if there was one in the stock room. Very helpful, I thought. So far, so good. I did as she suggested. The manager was there and I told him what the other girl had said. His reply in the most arrogant, obnoxious voice and manner possible was, "I don't have to go and look for it. We haven't got it!" I asked, quite reasonably, how he knows they haven't got it if he doesn't look. He said, "I'm not going! I said we haven't got it". His tone sounded rather threatening. I backed off. The weird thing is, the checkout girl, when we paid for our other stuff, said, "God, I hate it when people do that! I'll go look for you". She did. The manager was right that they hadn't got what I was after, but even the cashier agreed that the manager should have moved his butt and gone to at least look for me.

He was nasty and assumed that as he was the manager he was not obligated to get off his butt. Don suggested he may not care because he would be out of a job soon, but this logic, although sensible, is flawed. I've known people in shops that aren't closing do that too. It just a whole, "I don't give a f**k" attitude that a lot of retail stores seem to have these days. 

So here are the reasons why I hate Toys 'R' Us. 

You walk in (and even when they were new it happened) and they are virtually empty, even on a weekend. There are no staff to be found and the place is virtully silent except for some tinny music that you'd rather they switched off anyway. There is nothing you would associate with toy stores: no children laughing, no staff showing you how toys work, no toys for you to pick up and try out. When you finally do find a member of staff, they don't even want to give you the time of day. They make no effort to help you. If you ask them if they have something, as I've previously said, they resort to the old and lazy cliche of, "If it's not on the shelf, we haven't got one!" Translation: "I'm too lazy to give a crap!". Oh and even when their stuff is on sale, it's still over priced and their stock levels are appalling! Toys 'R' Us, to be blunt, is DULL.

I walked into Hamley's and their shop was the exact opposite. You felt happy as soon as you walked in. There was no music, mainly because the noise in there would have drowned it out anyway. It was noisy, it was lively, the staff were smiling and laughing and even playing with the gadgets. There were toys lying all over the place for you to play with (Don aimed (forgive me) straight for the Nerf targets!). Their were children laughing, singing and enjoying themselves and there were us bigger kids enjoying the games as well. There were demos. One woman demonstrated a sticker-maker box so well that I bought one (I'm a sticker obsessive too). The atmosphere here couldn't have been a more amazing contrast. It was a wonderful place, and I didn't want to leave. The same couldn't be said of Toys 'R' Us where you are bored after ten minutes.

So, is the internet to blame? Yes, but not altogether. The company has actually been the executor of their own failure by being incompetent and not caring one bit for their customer base, young or old. 

There is one thing that bugs me. I get heartly peeved off with people who say, "Ah, what a shame (name store here) is closing down! They were really good!". Then you ask them, "When was the last time you walked into one?" Either they haven't, or it was so long ago they don't remember. Really irritates me.

I think there is a lesson here for Toys 'R' Us. If you don't keep up with demand, move with the times, or give a crap about your customers, you will end up on the scrap heap. Serves you right!

RIP Toys 'R' Us - You will not be missed. Not by me anyway.

"There's no point in being an adult if you can't be childish sometimes!" ~ Tom Baker 

ENOUGH ALREADY!!

It's February 2018 and already in the USA this year, there have been 18 mass school shootings.

Of course, this happens so often in the US now, we know the routine. And even though shootings and terrorist attacks are rare in the UK, we have the same narrative. It happened after Westminster, after London Bridge and after the Ariana concert bombing. 

It goes as follows: the incident - whatever it is - happens, people are outraged. We say how sad we are. We use a #PrayingFor..... hashtag on social media, go to said place if we live nearby to lay flowers, hang balloons, sing songs, light tea lights, etc. And give thoughts and prayers to the victims who we claim to care about, but whom we will have forgotten about next week. I'm an empath, someone who believes in love, life, and peace above all else, and even I am guilty of this, I'm ashamed to say. 

 Or if you're on the idiot side (God forbid), you'll go on ad nauseam, about how it was all the government's fault, how it was a psyop/false flag event with crisis actors and how the victims' families and the survivors are lying.  You will also try to use the excuse that there were shooter drills a few days before. This is flawed logic. You would except them to do this and prepare for a shooting, considering how many there have already been. Why is that any different from a fire drill, a tsunami drill or an earthquake drill? Please know that I have nothing but utter contempt for the people who talk this rubbish, especially, as in Sandy Hook, there were those who actually went to the houses of said families and bullied them, saying that the thing never happened.These people are despicable and should be jailed.

ENOUGH ALREADY!!

Most Americans want mass shootings to stop, of course they do. The problems we have are gun owners, the NRA, and the government. We'll take them in turn.

First the NRA and the gun nuts. Maybe you need to take a good, hard look at yourself and ask why the hell you are so damned obsessed with weapons. Why the hell would anyone need an AR-15 rifle in their house? I am so fed up of hearing the, "It's in the constitution!" argument. Its got boring. If this is your only answer, then your argument is invalid. The constitution was written in 1776 for Heaven's sake! It was a) talking about militias and not every sodding person in the USA and 2) There's a difference between a flintlock musket and an automatic rifle. You are not Minute Men, you are NOT in the militia (today it's the National Guard), so why the hell do you need a weapon? There is certainly no reason to openly carry one. And stop saying the constitution cannot be changed. What a load of nonsense. It's been changed many times on many occasions.

And no-one is trying to take your damn guns away. All that's been suggested is that people have background checks before they can buy a military-grade weapon. Why is that such a problem? Is it possibly because you know damn well that if you have to have one you may be found mentally unfit to own a weapon? And what are you trying to hide that makes you fear a background check so much?

The worst gun nuts are the ones who say, "This was a false flag. It was done to garner the sympathy of the public, so they can vote for gun legislation as a way for the government to take our guns away". Oh and while we're on the subject of barmy people, how about, "If a goverment person came to my yard and tried to take my gun(s) away, I would shoot him!". I'm sorry, but if you find either of these arguments sensible, then that is exactly the reason your weapons should be removed from your possession, as you are clearly not mentally fit enough to be trusted with one in the first place. And don't say it's your "God-given right" to own a gun! That is ridiculous!

You think that isn't insane enough, how about this: the best way to stop mass school shootings is to arm the teachers! Arrrgh! So, the answer to gun violence is more gun violence? Where the hell is the logic in that?

The answer is proper gun control. In the UK, we had a mass shooting in a school in Dunblane in Scotland. After it happened, gun control was reinforced. We haven't had a mass school shooting since. That tells me that gun control works better than arming people against people being armed. We need to stop the cycle of violence, not make it worse.

Next, the government: Firstly, all politicians need to refuse funding from the NRA. Then they can't say "we have to support the NRA and be in their pockets because they paid for campaigns/elections etc" Stop the funding, stop the excuses.

Stop blaming mass shootings on mental health when you just repealed legislation that made it harder for people with mental health problems to get a gun. If that restriction was still in place then the guy couldn't have got hold of a gun in the first place!

Oh and can you please stop coming up with the tired old "this is not the time to talk about guns" chestnut. When the hell will it be time? Translation: "We are not going to talk about it, because it will piss off the NRA!". Sod the NRA. Let them complain. Stop accepting funding from them, get some balls and do something. Don't arm the teachers. Do something constructive like ban assault rifles and bump stocks. Don't tell me it won't work. It worked here in the UK. And don't bother with the "thoughts and prayers" BS. Unless you are willing to act on it, your thoughts and prayers are empty words, nothing more.

All I hear are the same tired cliches from gun owners, the same gutless crap from the goverment and I see the same boring crap on social media. ENOUGH!!

Do something about gun crime, I mean REALLY do something. Talk about mental health, ideology, and the gun culture and find a way to sort this out.

No more, please! 


"Maybe the end begins with one boy putting down his gun" - Jonathan Frakes (TNG - The High Ground)

KIM JONG UN-ITED

Friday was the day of the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics in Pyongchang, South Korea. It was, as most ceremonies are, utterly amazing and stunningly beautiful. The sense of pride, joy and comradeship was all there. Although, they drew the line at having the president of Korea, Moon Jae-in, drop from a helicopter, in the same way the UK did with a pretend queen, while doing a James Bond stunt in 2012. 

One of the highlights of the show was a team from North Korea (DPRK), the most isolated, closed country on Earth, walking into the ceremony, together as a team with its counterparts from South Korea. They were all smiling, all wearing the same uniform and all walking under a united banner which illustrated a picture of the whole of Korea.  

The united banner of "Korea"

The smiling Korean team

This looks and sounds wonderful. But is it? 

While we are watching this thrilling spectacle, we must also remember that Korea and the DPRK have never really got on. Between 25 June 1950 and 27 Jul 1953 the Peninsula was in a full scale war when the North, under the rule of the founder of the nation, Kim Il-Sung, invaded the South, with the intention of uniting the country. It didn't happen. The thing is, even though no-one is shooting anymore, there was no peace treaty signed in 1953 when everyone stopped fighting. They have the demilitarized zone (or as we Trek fans are fond of calling it, "The Dee-Em-Zee") and that's it. So technically, though no-one is killing each other war is still going on. 

Kim Jong-un (Supreme leader and grandson of the founder) is not a man to be trusted. Though I would trust him over Donald Trump any day of the week. He (Kim) has over 300 people in South Korea for the Olympic ceremony, including party leaders, his cousin, the Moranbong (a really odd, but really cool female military rock group), cheerleaders and of course the competitors themselves. He has also invited Moon Jae-in to visit the North which, even though it sounds good, also sounds really suss. Much as I would like to believe that this is all what it looks like at face value: two nations working happily together, I can't help but feel that, behind the smiles, and the friendship, there is some political motive. Either in regard to Kim's nuclear weapons programme, or because Kim still wants to fulfill his grandfather's idea of a unified country. Yes, I'm cynical, but going on the past history of the countries and their leaders, it's unlikely to be a surprise if it happened. 

There is one other thing about this that bothers me. I can't fix it, but I can be compassionate about it. The North Korean athletes have been playing their hearts out. But is it because they enjoy it, or because they are pressured to do well? At home, no-one is allowed to step out of line and they have to show utter perfection in everything they do (watch the cheerleaders. They are not doing this out of fun. Their routine is regimented and precise, the girls specifically chosen, presumably by Kim). The united Korean team played a lovely game of ice hockey against the Swiss. It was a lot of fun to watch and it was amazing to watch girls and guys from North and South Korea playing together. The only thing is the Swiss beat the Koreans to the bonkers score  of 8-0. OUCH. 

The question is: What happens to these wonderful athletes if they go home without any medals? In the eyes of the West, the North Koreans have plenty to be proud of: they have been just amazing and have played with just as much enthusiasm as any other country. And there's the fact that they managed to qualify for the Olympics in the first place. 

Unfortunately, I doubt that is how President Kim will see it. In the DPRK, stepping out of line and putting one foot wrong, is punished. I suspect failure is classed as an embarrassment and warrants the same fate. I hope I'm wrong, but I worry about what may happen to these wonderful athletes if they fail to win. They made an impact in the games, which is good, but if they win no medals, life may get hard for them when they go home. 

Right now, all we can do is watch and wait to see where this goes. Hopefully it will be exactly what it appears to be: a wonderful collaboration between two countries who are used to being on opposite sides, with North Korea spreading its arms open in friendship to the South. Which is pretty brilliant!!

I will leave you with the wonderful Moranbong:

"War may keep an enemy at bay, but only peace can make him a friend" ~ Kai Winn (Deep Space 9)

DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE A WOMAN

This blog may sound a bit strange coming from a woman, but I have been witnessing stuff over the last few days on social media that has been doing my nut in. 

Before we start. let me just digress and say one thing. I hate American Award ceremonies. Award ceremonies in the States are so annoying. The exception being the News Emmys where everyone is sensible. The ones in the UK are so much nicer. They are polite, they are dignified. People don't scream like they just won the mega-millions or a prize on a game show. They go up - quietly - get their award, give a polite speech, then go the hell away.  That's how it should be. Oh, and no-one tries to turn it into a platform for some boring social agenda.There's a time and place for such things. An award ceremony isn't it.

Anyway, it was one of those crappy awards ceremonies in America that prompted me to write this. I think it was the Oscars - someone feel free to correct me if I am wrong. Then it was the Grammys.

There were women complaining about not getting on in movies and in music and using their gender as an excuse for it, saying there was a distinct lack of women nominated for, or receiving awards. 

Before everyone castigates me for this, I will make two things clear. Firstly, I am NOT talking about the gender pay gap issue. I am totally on board with women being paid the same money as a man for the same job. To use an example that makes sense to me: Julie Etchingham should be paid equal to Alastair Stewart as they both do the same job, or Kate Adie should have been paid the same as Bill Neely because they did the same job. You get the idea. 

Secondly I am not having a go at the #MeToo bunch. I have been perved on. I've been sexually, verbally, and physically assaulted (ie hit) by several men. It is horrific and psychologically damaging. I know. I've been there. I don't trust men easily. There are only three men in my life I trust right now. So, no. #MeToo are not my problem either, except the unscrupulous ones who consent to get a job now and cry "Wolf!" later. It is difficult to get to grips with this, I know, but they do exist. I've known a few. Anyone who is willing to cheapen themselves like that deserves no sympathy whatsoever.  Thankfully, I believe most of the people in the #MeToo campaign have a genuine grievance and as someone who has been through abuse, I stand by them. And any man who abuses a woman should be jailed. 

Having cleared that up, the thing that really annoys me are the women who say, "There are not many women represented at the Oscars/Grammys/Emmys.....(insert crap US award ceremony of your choice), and then assume it's a sex thing. NO IT ISN'T. It has nothing to do with you having a vagina or not and I'm fed up of these women making it out that it is. It's because you're NOT good enough to be considered. 

I'll tell you a story. We all know my dream of being in journalism. I can't get a paid job. But it is more to do with ageism, rather than sexism. Older people such as myself are not encouraged to become journalists. Even one of my heroes, Martin Bell, said journalism is a young person's game. He's right. So where does that leave me? Do I whimper in a corner and say, "Oh, well I may as well not try because I'm too old for the job!"? No. If I had that attitude, I wouldn't even be writing this. It only makes me more determined to prove to the people I admire that I am worthy of attention and consideration. I may not go to war zones (you need quick reactions, I don't think I have them, though I could be wrong) , but I can write and can make my newsie videos about things that matter to me. It's a small thing, but it shows my passion.

One of the women who broke the glass ceiling and has inspired me is NBC's Deborah Turness. And another woman I am thrilled to call a hero is BBC's Kate Adie. They are a women, yes and they had to work twice as hard to get where they are now. But did they moan about that? NO. They busted a gut to show they were as capable of doing the job as anyone is. They worked their asses off to get recognised and to achieve what they have. And they have encouraged me to do the same. 

And so it should be with these women at the award ceremonies. If you want to be given serious attention and consideration, you need to show that you have the passion. Not by your looks, but by your actions. Make a film that REALLY grabs people's attention. Improve your acting skills. Same with the Grammys. You want to grab attention? Then write that one song that will knock 'em dead.  Better still learn to sing, REALLY sing, properly. All I seem to hear these days (with the exception of Ariana, and Adele who are amazing singers) are woman squeaking and screaming. That would turn me off, never mind the Grammy committee. SING CORRECTLY.  

To get your dream - as I'm always being reminded - takes persistence and sticking power and needing to show you can do it. Being a woman has absolutely NOTHING to do with it!

So stop using your sex as a justification for your failures. or as an excuse for not getting what you want. Get off your backsides and work for what you desire. Then you will be noticed.  Stop using your gender as a Get out of Jail Free card. You want an award? Show people you deserve it.

Oh and one last thing: I've seen a lot of women complaining of abuse after guys tell them they look good in a dress or by calling them "Babe" or "Love" or "Darling" or something! For God's sake, why can't you just take a compliment in good faith when it's given? If a man told me I looked sexy in a dress or my hair looked nice, I would be immensely flattered. Giving a compliment is not a crime! GROW THE HELL UP! Now, I don't like being called "Love" or "Babe" either, but that's more because they sound dumb, not because they are offensive. But, "Honey", "Sweetheart", "My dear", Sweet Pea (Don uses that sometimes)" etc, etc? Knock yourself out. As long as it is done in kindness and not malice, what the hell is the deal? Jeez. Some women really need to get over themselves. I've been abused/bullied - a lot. I know the difference. And believe me neither of these things are. 

I'm a woman. But if you want to complain that some guy called you sweetheart or said your hair looked cool, don't come to me. And stop being so damn sensitive about people being nice to you. 

If a guy touches you inappropriately (the only grey area is hugging. some people are naturally affectionate. Hugging doesn't always mean abuse. However in the wrong circumstances I can see why it would be awkward) or smacks you, then you can moan. Until then, give a rest!!

 Better still, go away. You're giving woman like me, who are actually trying our best. a very bad name!!

I'm AM a woman and even I DON'T want to hear about it!