Wednesday 31 January 2018





DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE A WOMAN



This blog may sound a bit strange coming from a woman, but I have been witnessing stuff over the last few days on social media that has been doing my nut in. 

Before we start. let me just digress and say one thing. I hate American Award ceremonies. Award ceremonies in the States are so annoying. The exception being the News Emmys where everyone is sensible. The ones in the UK are so much nicer. They are polite, they are dignified. People don't scream like they just won the mega-millions or a prize on a game show. They go up - quietly - get their award, give a polite speech, then go the hell away.  That's how it should be. Oh, and no-one tries to turn it into a platform for some boring social agenda.There's a time and place for such things. An award ceremony isn't it.

Anyway, it was one of those crappy awards ceremonies in America that prompted me to write this. I think it was the Oscars - someone feel free to correct me if I am wrong. Then it was the Grammys.

There were women complaining about not getting on in movies and in music and using their gender as an excuse for it, saying there was a distinct lack of women nominated for, or receiving awards. 

Before everyone castigates me for this, I will make two things clear. Firstly, I am NOT talking about the gender pay gap issue. I am totally on board with women being paid the same money as a man for the same job. To use an example that makes sense to me: Julie Etchingham should be paid equal to Alastair Stewart as they both do the same job, or Kate Adie should have been paid the same as Bill Neely because they did the same job. You get the idea. 

Secondly I am not having a go at the #MeToo bunch. I have been perved on. I've been sexually, verbally, and physically assaulted (ie hit) by several men. It is horrific and psychologically damaging. I know. I've been there. I don't trust men easily. There are only three men in my life I trust right now. So, no. #MeToo are not my problem either, except the unscrupulous ones who consent to get a job now and cry "Wolf!" later. It is difficult to get to grips with this, I know, but they do exist. I've known a few. Anyone who is willing to cheapen themselves like that deserves no sympathy whatsoever.  Thankfully, I believe most of the people in the #MeToo campaign have a genuine grievance and as someone who has been through abuse, I stand by them. And any man who abuses a woman should be jailed. 

Having cleared that up, the thing that really annoys me are the women who say, "There are not many women represented at the Oscars/Grammys/Emmys.....(insert crap US award ceremony of your choice), and then assume it's a sex thing. NO IT ISN'T. It has nothing to do with you having a vagina or not and I'm fed up of these women making it out that it is. It's because you're NOT good enough to be considered. 

I'll tell you a story. We all know my dream of being in journalism. I can't get a paid job. But it is more to do with ageism, rather than sexism. Older people such as myself are not encouraged to become journalists. Even one of my heroes, Martin Bell, said journalism is a young person's game. He's right. So where does that leave me? Do I whimper in a corner and say, "Oh, well I may as well not try because I'm too old for the job!"? No. If I had that attitude, I wouldn't even be writing this. It only makes me more determined to prove to the people I admire that I am worthy of attention and consideration. I may not go to war zones (you need quick reactions, I don't think I have them, though I could be wrong) , but I can write and can make my newsie videos about things that matter to me. It's a small thing, but it shows my passion.

One of the women who broke the glass ceiling and has inspired me is NBC's Deborah Turness. And another woman I am thrilled to call a hero is BBC's Kate Adie. They are a women, yes and they had to work twice as hard to get where they are now. But did they moan about that? NO. They busted a gut to show they were as capable of doing the job as anyone is. They worked their asses off to get recognised and to achieve what they have. And they have encouraged me to do the same. 

And so it should be with these women at the award ceremonies. If you want to be given serious attention and consideration, you need to show that you have the passion. Not by your looks, but by your actions. Make a film that REALLY grabs people's attention. Improve your acting skills. Same with the Grammys. You want to grab attention? Then write that one song that will knock 'em dead.  Better still learn to sing, REALLY sing, properly. All I seem to hear these days (with the exception of Ariana, and Adele who are amazing singers) are woman squeaking and screaming. That would turn me off, never mind the Grammy committee. SING CORRECTLY.  

To get your dream - as I'm always being reminded - takes persistence and sticking power and needing to show you can do it. Being a woman has absolutely NOTHING to do with it!

So stop using your sex as a justification for your failures. or as an excuse for not getting what you want. Get off your backsides and work for what you desire. Then you will be noticed.  Stop using your gender as a Get out of Jail Free card. You want an award? Show people you deserve it.

Oh and one last thing: I've seen a lot of women complaining of abuse after guys tell them they look good in a dress or by calling them "Babe" or "Love" or "Darling" or something! For God's sake, why can't you just take a compliment in good faith when it's given? If a man told me I looked sexy in a dress or my hair looked nice, I would be immensely flattered. Giving a compliment is not a crime! GROW THE HELL UP! Now, I don't like being called "Love" or "Babe" either, but that's more because they sound dumb, not because they are offensive. But, "Honey", "Sweetheart", "My dear", Sweet Pea (Don uses that sometimes)" etc, etc? Knock yourself out. As long as it is done in kindness and not malice, what the hell is the deal? Jeez. Some women really need to get over themselves. I've been abused/bullied - a lot. I know the difference. And believe me neither of these things are. 

I'm a woman. But if you want to complain that some guy called you sweetheart or said your hair looked cool, don't come to me. And stop being so damn sensitive about people being nice to you. 

If a guy touches you inappropriately (the only grey area is hugging. some people are naturally affectionate. Hugging doesn't always mean abuse. However in the wrong circumstances I can see why it would be awkward) or smacks you, then you can moan. Until then, give a rest!!

 Better still, go away. You're giving woman like me, who are actually trying our best. a very bad name!!

I'm AM a woman and even I DON'T want to hear about it!